Issue date: 4/18/06 Section: Features>>Sexcapades

Sexcapades with Jessica Rojo [Click to enlarge]

It all sounds so promising, a friend to call for a careless hook-up on those drunken nights. No strings attached, no emotions involved, nothing but a guaranteed night with someone who, quite frankly, wants you for sex and sex only.

In theory, friends with benefits sounds like a great idea. You get the best of both worlds, receiving all the benefits of being in a relationship, the kissing, the cuddling, the sex, but without all the bad aspects, like the commitment, the butterflies and that feeling of being in love. Who would want to feel that way anyway, right?

In reality, friends with benefits just leads to someone realizing that the other doesn't care enough about them to make a commitment and the chances of their hookups ever leading to something more than just sex, is not likely. Gosh, why doesn't everyone have a friend with benefits? Well here's why: they never work.

So let's just state the obvious, sex and emotions are one in the same, and you can't get one without the other. It may start out fun and carefree but eventually feelings are developed, and it's usually the women who form this attachment.

"Friends with benefits can be good and bad. They are good because the sex is fun, but bad because someone always gets attached," said Travis Kassebaum senior communications major.

"Friends with benefits is a lot easier for guys because we're able to separate our emotions from sex, and girls, well, not so much," Kassebaum said. "They always come up with that question, so what are we or, where is this going?"

Damn right we eventually come up with that question and what a good question it is. As a woman, nothing we do is without intentions. If we are putting anytime into you it's because we're convinced that you are worth it. Even if we may seem like we are initially fine with the arrangement, deep in the back of our minds we're secretly hoping that eventually it will turn into something more.

Lauren Taylor, a senior English major, doesn't believe a woman can separate her emotions from sex.

"It's not very often you meet a girl who is all about friends with benefits," Taylor said. "Most women want a lot more then sex in a relationship, and if they don't, I would have to say they're lying to someone or to themselves."

Wanting more from a relationship does not, by any means, make us weak. Not being able to handle the sex without a commitment is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I think it's something that a woman should be proud of. We women want to be loved and adored, not simply used for sexual enjoyment. Besides wanting to be treated great, we also want to feel safe. Last time I checked, most friends with benefits are not exclusive, which means you just might be sharing with the community, and if you're like me, I hate doing community service.

Once again in theory, fun and carefree sex can be great but the reality is that you're putting yourself in harms way by sleeping with someone who has more then one partner.

According to the National Institute of Allergies and Infectious Diseases, sexually transmitted disease's are among the most common infectious diseases, infecting more than 13 million men and women each year.

Nearly two-thirds of STD's occur in people 25 and younger, and anyone can catch an STD but women are more likely to catch one then men.

It's healthy to have a sex life. Not only does it burn calories, since we women are always thinking about calories, and add a glow that even bronzer can't offer but it keeps us form thinking about all those term papers and finals that we're stressing about.

My whole point is that although a friend with benefits seems like a noble idea, it never really works out. Someone always ends up wanting more or you end up realizing you're deserving of a healthy and exclusive relationship.

Even if you are totally busy with school, two jobs and raising a few hamsters, having someone there to not only physically please you but also emotionally and mentally as well is far more beneficial then a partner who only wants to see you every two weeks. Wouldn't you rather spend your drunken nights with someone you know can't wait to wake up and see your face in the morning?

Read a man's perspective on friends with benefits.

Jessica Rojo can be reached at features@statehornet.com.

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