Issue date: 4/9/07 Section: Opinion

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I wouldn't exactly consider wasting my money, to be one of my pastimes. However, when you find yourself at a strip club that's exactly what happens. Sure, you have the best of intentions beforehand but the fact of the matter is, in the heat of the moment, it is easy to get swindled for your cash. And for what you may ask?

Well, if you frequently attend the right female strip club, such as Club Fantasy which features totally nude female strippers, you will defiantly get your money's worth. But if you're a person like me and your only interest is that of the male persuasion, then I'm sure you are familiar with the horrendous display that is known as male stripping.

The word Velveeta comes to mind when I think about male strippers and it starts with their introduction to the stage. Now I'm a big fan of role play, so I dig it when male strippers come out dressed to the nines as a police officer or a fireman. I do not, however, enjoy the gratuitous gyrating that follows
I do not, I repeat, do not want to see how well you can pop your booty and I sure as hell don't want to see you do the splits three different ways. That's just gross, man.

I understand that it is male stripper's job to get the ladies, and some of the men in the crowd, worked up. I'm just not sure if I'm comfortable with that amount of flexibility.

So if you can get past the rump shaking to actually see some skin then I'm sure you're quite familiar with the male thong. It works just like a female thong. That's right my friends, up the butt! The sheer thought of it makes me shudder and not in a good way.

I can't even begin to describe how un-sexy a male thong is. Wait…yes I can. If you can get away from the actual butt floss portion of the thong and feast your eyes on the "package", you will see what I am talking about.

They are getting creative with these male thongs nowadays. I once saw a male thong where the "package" portion was shaped like an elephant trunk. Not only are thy creative but they are comical. Sadly, I'll never look at an elephant the same way again.

What is the real reason that people go to strip clubs? That's right, to see people get naked. You know it and I know it. So, let's not beat around the bush. Here I am shelving out a cover charge that usually runs anywhere from $10 to $20 plus drinks, plus tipping and you mean to tell me this cheesy, gyrating, butt thong-wearing piece of man-meat isn't going to get naked? $20 may just be the beginning. According to www.chippendales.com, tickets can run into the hundreds. You've got to be kidding me.

I'm not exactly sure what the issue is regarding male nudity. Websites like www.Thunderfromdownunder.com, give a description of their show and nothing is notated about full frontal nudity.

Here lies the biggest complaint I have with male strippers. All that useless crap is just so you can tease us with your man-thong? Hate is a strong word but it is safe to say that I loathe male strippers. Call it what it is, it's a tease. I want a refund of my cover charge. Furthermore, I want my tips back. I will however keep the drink. Besides, I've got to put that two drink minimum to use.

Oneika Richardson can be reached at opinion@statehornet.com

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