Issue date: 9/24/07 Section: News

Media Credit: Photo courtesy James DeShaw Rae Assistant Government Professor James DeShaw Rae [Click to enlarge]

The State Hornet does not necessarily endorse the opinions expressed in this blog. James DeShaw Rae is an assistant government professor at Sacramento State, and is not affiliated with The State Hornet.

As a college football fan, for the past fifteen years the idea of a college football playoff to determine a true national champion has been the talk of the media. Well, I could certainly explore the strengths and weaknesses of such a system (or just give it to the Men of Troy once again…unfortunately), but instead I thought how exciting a presidential election would be if we had a round robin tournament between the 16 major presidential candidates, with a match each week for a month until we crowned a champion (oops, I meant elected a president).

Each week would feature a scorecard with each candidate's policy stances and proposals, include a one-on-one debate, and require extended answers to questions ranging from ethics and morals to more specific knowledge of social problems and foreign policy challenges. Voters would go to the polls and the winner would move on. I took the liberty of seeding the field largely based on poll numbers (since college football fans worship polls, after all, the polls largely determine the outcome of who faces whom in the title event). Higher seeds would get home field advantage (though it may be difficult to clarify the actual home field of candidates like Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney who enjoy multiple addresses. I will run my model based on my own personal views of who would win such a contest. In any case, the match-ups are as follows:

(Note: since 17 candidates for the two major parties do not equate with the perfect sweet 16 number, I have decided to eliminate either Tom Tancredo or Duncan Hunter. Luckily, they are both single issue candidates (opposition to immigration, thus one alone will have to carry that torch, and since Hunter is from southern California and is thus too closely associated with college football royalty down there in SoCal, I will eliminate him.)

1) Hillary Clinton vs 16) Mike Gravel
8) Mike Huckabee vs 9) Bill Richardson

4) Barak Obama vs 13) Sam Brownback
5) John McCain vs 12) Dennis Kucinich

6) John Edwards vs 11) Ron Paul
3) Mitt Romney vs 14) Chris Dodd

7) Fred Thompson vs 10) Joe Biden
2) Rudy Giuliani vs 15) Tom Tancredo


Round 1: Gravel, unafraid of taking cheap shots, leveled Clinton a few times with accusations of fund-raising irregularities before the game. Clinton withstood the barrage, and easily moved on, 84-16. In a hard fought slugfest, Huckabee's intelligent design game plan was enough to derail Richardson, who focused too much on past successes and seemed unprepared for the game at hand. Huckabee held on late 56-44. Despite lacking game day experience, Obama quickly overwhelmed Brownback, whose old school approach netted few supporters. In a blowout, Obama moved on 77-23. Staking his whole effort on a surge strategy of sending in more and more backups, McCain's war record ultimately trumped Kucinich's pacifism in a 69-31 victory. Edwards' son-of-a-mill-worker story didn't seem to match his perfectly blow-dried hair, and Paul's anti-war libertarianism nearly scored the first upset of the tournament, but in the end, Edwards' pretty boy charm got enough women voters to tune in to hang on 59-41. Romney's rigorous training regimen of long-distance jogging really paid off, and despite the discipline he learned in the Peace Corps, Dodd was overmatched in an 80-20 blowout. In a surprisingly tough duel, Biden's fire surprised a lazy and lethargic Thompson, in a rough and tumble 54-46 Biden win. In the final first round tilt, Tancredo jumped out to a surprising early lead riding the wave of anti-immigration passions, but Giuliani weathered the storm, moving on 73-27.

Quarterfinals/Round 2: In a match-up tilted as Hollywood values versus Heartland values, Huckabee claimed his Razorback (Arkansas) roots ran deeper than his opponent, but the only female in the field moved on handily 60-40. In a match-up that really exposed experience as a theme, the septuagenarian McCain (who pointed out that he's a decade younger than Joe Paterno) struggled to a 52-48 win over the second straight anti-war candidate, though prognosticators quickly installed Obama as the odds on favorite for 2012. In what was billed as the 'Mr. America beauty contest,' Romney's dashing good looks slightly trumped Edwards' boyish charm for a 53-47 win. In a truly Cinderella story, the last addition to the semifinals saw Giuliani implode from the fierce Biden attack, as Giuliani's weak line on the left as well as the right was exposed. The second-tier Biden scored the biggest upset of the tourney 56-44.

Semifinals/Round 3: In the expected final from early in the season before McCain tanked, the premier first-tier match-up was actually an impressive debate over two competing strategies over the war in Iraq. Clinton was at the peak of her game, while despite the battle scars of the aging veteran, McCain looked spry. In the end, the strategy of Clinton's experienced coach (and husband) were enough to tip the scales for a 53-47 win. Romney's easy pathway to the semifinals saw him fit, tanned, and well-rested. Yet Biden's well-developed policy knowledge staked him to an early lead, but Biden's notorious mouth was bulletin board material before the game and his trash-talk was penalized, as he was forced to defend old statements about plagiarism (a lesson to students out there) and who qualifies as clean and articulate; his new gaffes were enough to let his silver-tongued opponent gain enough for a 64-36 trouncing.

Final/White House Bowl National Championship Game Presented by Tostitos©:
Hillary Jefferson Clinton vs. Willard Mitt Romney

In a stunning move, both candidates changed their brand name for the final struggle; a nail-biter that saw the first-ever national championship for a female, 52-48. Ultimately, exit polls revealed that the voting public thought that the "Jefferson Clinton" name somehow sounded "more presidential" than Willard Mitt. Clinton's strategy was later revealed on ESPN Classic©: Madame President Clinton recounted the pre-game preparations: "We did a focus group for which name Americans preferred: 'Hillary,' 'Billary,' 'Hillary Rodham Clinton,' 'Hillary Clinton,' 'Mrs. Clinton,' or 'Hillary Jefferson Clinton.' Obviously, we made the right call." Clinton was also aided by several Romney fumbles and flip-flops early in the game before he found his stride.

James DeShaw Rae can be reached at editor@statehornet.com.

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