Issue date: 11/28/07 Section: News

Media Credit: Martin Wood [Click to enlarge]

For many, college is one of life's most exciting and mysterious chapters. It gives students the opportunity to become more independent while embracing the first steps of adulthood. Unfortunately for some, parents insist on hindering their independence by interfering in their lives.

According to USA.gov website, a person is legally considered an adult at the age of 18. This means that legally, once a person turns 18, he or she is responsible for him or herself.

Though most college students are considered legal adults, many still have parents who feel the need to take control of their lives.

In 1990, Foster Cline and Jim Fay authored a book called "Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility," in which they identified and explained ineffective parenting styles. One of these styles includes being too involved in your child's life.

In the book, Cline and Fay discuss and offer opinions about parents who pay extremely close attention to their children, especially those at educational institutions.

These types of parents are called "helicopter parents" because, like a helicopter, they hover closely overhead.

Bert Epstein, director of Psychological Counseling Services at Sacramento State, said he and his colleagues have an idea as to why some parents remain overprotective even after their children become adults.

"Kids (are raised) in very structured environments," he said.

By this, Epstein means that children are usually involved in many different extra-curricular activities like gymnastics, soccer, football or basketball. Subsequently, parents are often asked to be involved in these activities as well. This involvement can range from coaching their child's team to showing up for games and practices.

This, in turn, allows parents to become largely involved in other parts of their child's life, Epstein said. This sense of involvement can then "extend to (the child's) college years, even when the child is starting to do things on their own."

As a clinical psychologist who helps students struggling with stress or personal problems, Epstein said the issue of students feeling like their parents are too involved in their academic, personal and professional lives is extremely common. He said this is particularly true for first year students who are 18 and just starting college.

Government professor John Victor said he hasn't experienced parents inquiring about their child's grades or academic performance.

"Luckily, (no parents) have tried to contact me," he said.

When asked what he thinks of parents who do try to interfere, he said he "doesn't approve of it because (students) are adults (when they attend college)."

Though some professors may not hear from any parents, some students hear it all.

Freshman biology major Hannah Spitze said her parents are too involved in her life.

"(My parents) always want to know exactly what assignments I'm working on, when I'm going to meet with my counselors and what I'm doing on a daily basis," she said.

Peggy Pisciotta, mother of sophomore undeclared major Angela Pisciotta, said she has a different parenting style than the one used by Spitze's parents. She said that although some parents may interfere in their child's life, many understand that college is the place their son or daughter becomes his or her own person.

"I totally trust Angela," she said. "I understand that she is an adult in college and that she is fully capable of making her own decisions. She still makes important decisions with my guidance, but as a mother, I know my boundaries."

David Ford, a sophomore communication studies and journalism double major, said his parents were involved in his life during high school, but have respected his space since he started college.

Ford said he thinks many parents don't learn their boundaries because "they don't know how to let go."

"(Parents) have been there for 18 years (and sometimes) they don't know how to let us run our own lives," he said.

Epstein said communication is key, especially when it comes to fixing the problem of overbearing parents.

"It's good to talk and be reassuring about what is happening," he said. "Tell your parents about what's going on and they'll be less likely to ask questions because they feel they are already well-informed."

Based on personal experience, Ford said the best way to handle the situation of overbearing parents is for students to "talk to their parents face-to-face."

"For me, it took some time, but they have backed off a lot and let me learn from my experiences," he said.

Although each situation is different, Epstein said there can be times when it's "helpful for parents to take a step back."

Princess Garnace can be reached at pgarnace@statehornet.com.

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