Spring Break
Vampires make the best boyfriends
Crystal Kirk
Issue date: 10/29/08 Section: Opinion
Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series is to young women today what Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles was to our mothers and older sisters. There is just something irresistible about the idea and the fantasy behind an undead man.
So what is it that makes vampires so sexy? The process of becoming a vampire causes the appearance of the man to be perfected. Not a blemish, scratch or scar remains; just pale, cold, and stone-like skin.
If you, like Bella Swan, remain a mortal during your love affair with a vampire, the benefits continue to stack in your favor.
Vampire boyfriends do not sleep while you do. You could use your bloodsucker lover to get some chores done around the house with that valuable time. With his superhuman strength he could surely get the laundry and the dishes done in record time while you slumber.
His dietary restrictions are great for you. Never worry about him eating all of the groceries. Your Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream is always safe around him.
Being immortal also gives your guy the advantage of time. He will likely be well educated. Cultured, sophisticated and experienced, your man of the night will be the "life" of any party. He will surely charm your mother and all of your friends.
Vamps also have the experience of knowing when and how to invest money. Your man will have riches beyond belief. Having a vampire for a boyfriend is kind of like winning the lottery.
Having witnessed the last 100 years of fashion trends he can help you decide what "classic" pieces to add to your wardrobe.
Don't forget that he will be passionate and caring. Your vampire guy will hang on every word that you say. Vampires put mortal men to shame. Stephanie please keep those Twilight books coming.
Go Team Edward!
Crystal Kirk can be reached at crkirk@statehornet.com
So what is it that makes vampires so sexy? The process of becoming a vampire causes the appearance of the man to be perfected. Not a blemish, scratch or scar remains; just pale, cold, and stone-like skin.
If you, like Bella Swan, remain a mortal during your love affair with a vampire, the benefits continue to stack in your favor.
Vampire boyfriends do not sleep while you do. You could use your bloodsucker lover to get some chores done around the house with that valuable time. With his superhuman strength he could surely get the laundry and the dishes done in record time while you slumber.
His dietary restrictions are great for you. Never worry about him eating all of the groceries. Your Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream is always safe around him.
Being immortal also gives your guy the advantage of time. He will likely be well educated. Cultured, sophisticated and experienced, your man of the night will be the "life" of any party. He will surely charm your mother and all of your friends.
Vamps also have the experience of knowing when and how to invest money. Your man will have riches beyond belief. Having a vampire for a boyfriend is kind of like winning the lottery.
Having witnessed the last 100 years of fashion trends he can help you decide what "classic" pieces to add to your wardrobe.
Don't forget that he will be passionate and caring. Your vampire guy will hang on every word that you say. Vampires put mortal men to shame. Stephanie please keep those Twilight books coming.
Go Team Edward!
Crystal Kirk can be reached at crkirk@statehornet.com
Viewing Comments 1 - 5 of 5
Maritza Perez
posted 11/03/08 @ 12:14 PM PST
I just wanted to know on the movie Twilight if you were going to combine all 4 books into the movie Twilight and if not are you going to make any sequels?????
Liz
posted 11/04/08 @ 2:42 AM PST
It's Stephenie not Stephanie... Great article anyway.
Go Team Edward!
another man...
posted 11/08/08 @ 2:51 PM PST
wow so you rather have a vampire as a boyfriend than a real man? man that just sucks. hahaha!
Patrick Gallaher
posted 11/25/08 @ 10:53 AM PST
I must be truly missing out on this movie.
Business Opportunities
posted 11/26/08 @ 9:17 PM PST
There are advantages but they are going to be very cold in bed, instead of the 99 degrees that you are used to. Also they tend to get very nasty sunburns. (Continued…)
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