Spring Break
'Transporter 3': No blaze of glory
Matt Rascher
Issue date: 11/26/08 Section: Features
Frank Martin (Jason Statham), the skilled driver and mercenary for hire, has three rules when he is on a job. Rule one: Never change the deal. Rule two: No names. Rule three: Never look in the package.
I however have only one rule for anyone who is contemplating seeing the newest chapter in the Transporter trilogy, don't waste your money.
Statham's character in these films is a poor man's James Bond or Jason Bourne. There is a lot of flashy driving and fighting, a lot of bad dialogue and a lot of the studio's money wasted on a movie that has already been made several times.
How many times am I going to have to sit through an hour and a half of unbelievable action sequences and far-fetched plot lines? Well, if you decide to see this movie then it's going to be at least once more.
Transporter 3 starts off with Martin trying his hardest to stay retired and enjoy his time fishing and living his comfortable and solitary lifestyle. He is of course interrupted when the car of the man he suggested for a job comes crashing through his wall.
He tries to help the man by calling an ambulance to take him to the hospital, when just over a hundred feet away from the house the ambulance blows up. Martin finds a girl in the back seat who warns him about staying close to the car but by the time Martin realizes what she means it is already too late.
He subsequently gets knocked out by some strange men, is forced to take on the job he didn't want and in the process, like you wouldn't have been able to guess, breaks all his own rules!
I know this sounds like a recipe for a good time but it really just leaves you dissatisfied and wanting more. Several times throughout the film Martin shares mind-numbingly boring dialogue with the girl he ends up transporting all over the European countryside.
She is Ukrainian and speaks in annoyingly broken English. To some audience members may come off as adorable or quaint, but in the end just makes this movie intolerable to watch and to listen to.
Another problem with this film is there was no real reason for it to be made. There are no over-arching story lines carried on from the first two films, so there is no pressing dilemma that needs to be resolved. There are no breakthroughs in scriptwriting or cinematography, no amazing special effects and nothing that extraordinary being presented.
There needs to be more substance from a film other then the main character finding nearly any reason to take off his shirt and meandering about for the sake of the female audience members. It needs more then some cool driving and beating up 10-12 bad guys at a time with little to no bumps or bruises to show for it. And, it ends with Martin getting the girl. Director Olivier Megaton is being hailed as the new Alfred Hitchcock for that surprise.
Oh and sorry if I spoiled the ending for you, just think of it as me doing you a favor because now you don't have to actually go and see it.
Matt Rascher can be reached at mrascher@statehornet.com
I however have only one rule for anyone who is contemplating seeing the newest chapter in the Transporter trilogy, don't waste your money.
Statham's character in these films is a poor man's James Bond or Jason Bourne. There is a lot of flashy driving and fighting, a lot of bad dialogue and a lot of the studio's money wasted on a movie that has already been made several times.
How many times am I going to have to sit through an hour and a half of unbelievable action sequences and far-fetched plot lines? Well, if you decide to see this movie then it's going to be at least once more.
Transporter 3 starts off with Martin trying his hardest to stay retired and enjoy his time fishing and living his comfortable and solitary lifestyle. He is of course interrupted when the car of the man he suggested for a job comes crashing through his wall.
He tries to help the man by calling an ambulance to take him to the hospital, when just over a hundred feet away from the house the ambulance blows up. Martin finds a girl in the back seat who warns him about staying close to the car but by the time Martin realizes what she means it is already too late.
He subsequently gets knocked out by some strange men, is forced to take on the job he didn't want and in the process, like you wouldn't have been able to guess, breaks all his own rules!
I know this sounds like a recipe for a good time but it really just leaves you dissatisfied and wanting more. Several times throughout the film Martin shares mind-numbingly boring dialogue with the girl he ends up transporting all over the European countryside.
She is Ukrainian and speaks in annoyingly broken English. To some audience members may come off as adorable or quaint, but in the end just makes this movie intolerable to watch and to listen to.
Another problem with this film is there was no real reason for it to be made. There are no over-arching story lines carried on from the first two films, so there is no pressing dilemma that needs to be resolved. There are no breakthroughs in scriptwriting or cinematography, no amazing special effects and nothing that extraordinary being presented.
There needs to be more substance from a film other then the main character finding nearly any reason to take off his shirt and meandering about for the sake of the female audience members. It needs more then some cool driving and beating up 10-12 bad guys at a time with little to no bumps or bruises to show for it. And, it ends with Martin getting the girl. Director Olivier Megaton is being hailed as the new Alfred Hitchcock for that surprise.
Oh and sorry if I spoiled the ending for you, just think of it as me doing you a favor because now you don't have to actually go and see it.
Matt Rascher can be reached at mrascher@statehornet.com
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