Issue date: 11/12/09 Section: Features

Media Credit: Megan Harris [Click to enlarge]

Communication is vital in maintaining a healthy relationship. It is what holds every relationship together and, without it, a person's relationships with his or her friends, family members, significant other and co-workers could go sour.

Kim Roberts, professor of psychology at Sacramento State, said the No. 1 complaint in all relationships that go bad is lack of good communication skills.

"Listening and communicating your needs to a person helps maintain your relationship because sometimes they won't know what you want," Roberts said.

Women's Resource Center interim director Alysson Satterlund believes people need to use communication in order to voice out their needs.

"When I think about a healthy relationship, I think about both parties benefiting from their interconnection," Satterlund said. "I also think about a shared respect for each others' needs, hopes, and that the two people in (the relationship) support one another."

Roberts and Satterlund both stress the importance of people agreeing on key points, such as good communication and supporting one another in order to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship.

"People with the best relationships have the strongest equity," Roberts said. "It's like you're a team player and you don't feel like you're getting the short end of the stick."

The Equity Theory, a term used by psychologists, is when "people feel most comfortable when they are getting exactly what they deserve from their relationships - no more and certainly no less," according to a an article in a social justice research journal.

Roberts said the Equity Theory is something many people talk about in relationships, especially with friendships.

"There's always this underlying equity. Down the road, if you're not reciprocating the help you're given, the relationship is not going to continue," Roberts said.

Roberts said, in friendships, the communication should entail a good amount of listening.

"We behave differently with our family versus our friends. We don't necessarily tell everything to our parents (that) we tell our friends," Roberts said. "When friends ask for advice, don't be too critical. The biggest thing is to just listen."

Roberts also suggests that if people make plans with their friends, they cannot keep flaking on them if they want to maintain a healthy friendship.

"If you have something like a coffee date with a friend, it's important to show up or to not be completely late," Roberts said. "People say, 'Oh, they'll understand why,' but in reality they think twice. It's rude."

Roberts said, along with maintaining relationships with friends, it is imperative to maintain friendships with siblings.

"Siblings grow up to hate each other and break their bonds because of this competition parents create," Roberts said.

It is important for parents to change their parenting styles if they are favoring one child more than the other.

"There's always going to be that rivalry for parents' attention. If the parents can foster a relationship with all their kids, there won't be as much animosity," Roberts said.

In trying to diminish child favorism and creating strong bonds with siblings, Roberts suggests that the idea of 'togetherness' should stem from the parents.

"If your parents are close and make you do family activities together, those memories carry on and you'll be closer to your siblings."

In trying to build a child-parent relationship, even throughout the teenage years, Roberts said that having dinner together and making an effort to make conversation is where to start.

Roberts said building a healthy relationship with anybody, especially with family members, is difficult due to the use of technology - whether it's leaving the TV on during dinner, or picking up phone calls during an important conversation.

"I'll often see two teenagers text messaging while their parents are sitting there just looking at them during dinner," she said.

Roberts said she usually sees technology as an inhibiting tool for fostering relationships.

"Text messaging is going to be a troubling trend. It's nice because you can make a smiley, but it doesn't replace somebody sitting, looking you in the eye, asking you how your day went," Roberts said.

Some students on campus said they have a difficult time having real conversations with their parents.

Destinee Duff, freshman environmental science major, said she deals with her parents by doing what they want instead of having a conversation.

Besides family, significant others are usually the next relationship people hope to keep healthy.

Roberts said romantic relationships go bad because people don't feel like they're being listened to, or that people can become disengaged from their partner because of something like work. She suggests that people make time to talk with their significant other while balancing work.

"You have to work hard at relationships, there (are) lots of books out there for things like marriage skills," Roberts said. "If somebody gets mad, learn how to forgive them. When you get criticized, you internalize it and the first thing to go is intimacy."

Having healthy relationships does not only pertain to close friends, family and loved ones. Maintaining a healthy relationship with co-workers is also important.

"No relationship is perfect, especially if it's stressful," Roberts said. "You're usually not good friends (with co-workers). If you are, it breaks that professionalism. You need a social support at work, but not so much where there's an argument bringing brought into work."

Roberts suggests that people in a work environment make sure everyone knows how to be a team when they need to work together. She said that, even for co-workers who do not get along naturally, work can still be done.

"Make sure you're not critical and give them whatever space they need," Roberts said. "Let them know they did a good job even if you don't like them because they'll respect you more."

Looking beyond personality issues and being professional overall are key ways to keep healthy relationships in the workroom.

"Do things that are positive, not negative," Roberts said. You don't have to be cheery everyday like 'Oh, you look lovely.' Just be in a positive light."

Satterlund said in order to maintain a healthy relationship, people should work on their ability to communicate, forgive and to hear others' perspectives.

"Respect each other, support each other and have a willingness to address your own limitations in a relationship, so that you're always improving on your own skill sets," Satterlund said.

Jennifer Siopongco can be reached at jsiopongco@statehornet.com

Page 1 of 1

Article Tools